When it comes to sex, the best time a person has ever had will probably not be as memorable at their first time. If you or the person that you are seeing is a virgin, when you choose to have sex for the first time, you will want to make it as comfortable and intimate for both of you.

Before any relationship reaches the level of a sexual relationship, you will first want to be honest with your partner. Tell them if you are a virgin so that they are not surprised if you feel uncomfortable or say no at a certain point. This will let the more experienced partner plan the perfect evening for creating a closer bond.

Start the evening off romantic. Go out to dinner, see a romantic movie—do all the things that will bring you closer to your partner. Then, you will want to set the mood for the rest of the evening. Scented candles and soft, sensual music will usually do it. And once you begin getting closer, take it slow. If your partner is willing to give their virginity to you, then you will want to do everything right. So make sure everyone is comfortable and ready for the next step.

When people talk about sex, they are usually talking about the penis-going-into-the-vagina part of it. And sometimes orgasm. But there is more to sex than actual intercourse. There is the lead-up, the act itself, and the ‘basking in the after glow’ part.

The lead-up is often called foreplay, and is often the most important part of sex. It can start while you’re still sitting in the restaurant, and it is said that the most sexual organ in our bodies are our brains. But once you’re done talking, flirting and working each other up, when you get to the house – or even the bedroom – take your time. Explore each other’s bodies, and use your mouth. Not there, but just kiss. Kiss long, deep and hard, and then begin to use your hands. Enjoy ‘making out’ like you did in high school, not hurrying and sensuously taking your time.

While your hands are wandering, you can start to kiss areas other than the mouth, but keep it above the chest. Neck, suck on earlobes and nuzzle. Find that sweet spot on her (and sometimes him) at the junction of the neck and shoulder and drive your partner wild. This is where sex begins!

If a couple have been together for a long time and things are a little dull in the bedroom department, or maybe they’ve been together just a short while but want to broaden their horizons, then there are activities they can engage in that are a little left-of-centre.

Light B&D (or bondage and discipline) can be a way to explore each other’s fantasies in the safety and comfort of their own home. Rape fantasies, like anal play, are considered taboo, but many females harbour them, afraid of saying anything. Perhaps start with blindfolds and see how she feels, then progress to having her hands, then feet tied. Perhaps tie her feet apart, or experiment with bondage so that her legs can be tied open and apart. Sex shops often sell products that can be used safely.

If he fantasises about being tied up, it can be just as daunting for him to mention it, for fear of being laughed at. But again, experiment a little and see what works for the both of you. She might find she enjoys dominating her male partner, and he enjoys being the submissive (also called Ds play, for Dominant and submissive).

With any kind of BDsM play, a safe word is imperative – something that is not used often in every day language but when used during play, means “Stop now.”

Anal sex has long been considered taboo, but if done correctly (and safely) it can be a valuable addition to any love-making repertoire. Anything from rimming (licking the anus) to full-blown penetration can be explored, provided both partners are consenting and ready. For the person receiving, lube and a decent warm up is essential. The anus is not self-lubricating like the vagina, and is not really meant for accommodating objects being inserted. But done right, it can be pleasurable.

Begin slowly, with plenty of lubrication, insert something small (like a finger). If the ‘ick’ factor is high, gloves can be worn (and in fact when rimming, a dental dam is highly recommended – a dental dam is a piece of latex used to cover the anus to protect from germs). Start with small movements, and you’ll feel the anus loosening. You can increase the number of fingers of the size of what you’re inserting as the anus widens. If penetration is the goal, remember not to go from anus to vagina afterwards – this introduces matter into the vagina that doesn’t really belong there. When introducing the penis or a larger object, take all your cues from your partner. If it hurts, stop.

Even just having something inserted into the anus during vaginal penetration can be a turn on for both partners – the male can actually feel the object while he is inside the female, and the female can feel pleasured with both entrances being accommodated. Remember with anal sex, cleanliness is a priority. Wash everything carefully afterwards!

Oral sex is using your mouth on your partner’s genitals. Sucking, nibbling, blowing gently, even biting (not too hard!) can all help to bring your partner to orgasm.

Start off with the making out bit (above) but continue down, again taking your time. You can concentrate on her breasts if you want (or his, if he wants) but you’ll eventually wind up at your partner’s crotch. If your partner is a male, cup his testicles gently and massage them lightly. Tug carefully, and move your hand/s to his penis. Slowly run your hand over the shaft, and lower your head. If you have a touchy gag reflex, use your hand as a guide so you don’t take too much into your mouth. Use your tongue around his head, and run it down the underside. You can suck hard, but be careful using your teeth.

If your partner is female, the vagina can be easily injured with stubble rash or a beard, so if you’re not completely freshly shaven, take great care. You can nibble the clitoris, sucking it gently, and burying your nose and face into her. If she is on top, allow her to dictate the speed and motion. If you’re in the 69 position, you can use your chin on the clitoris and your mouth and tongue in the vagina.

Intercourse is generally described as the penis entering the vagina. There is usually only one way to do it (the penis entering the vagina), but you can do it in many positions.

Try her on top – this alone can be done several ways (her facing the him, turned away from him, him lying down or sitting upright – the latter is great for clitoral massage). Her knees can be supporting her weight, in a kneeling position, or she can squat over him.

The spooning position can also allow a multitude of positions. He spoons her, and enters her from behind. Or he can be kneeling, and holding her top leg up and around his belly so she is basically ‘sitting’ on him from a lying position. From there, she can turn onto her back, and he can place her legs over his shoulders – great for deep penetration. She also has some control over how deep he goes and at what angle as she can raise her buttocks off the bed using her legs. She can wrap her legs around him, and bring him closer to her if they want to kiss, and from there you can move into the missionary position (him lying on top of her).

There are, of course, many other positions (such as doggy) but there is just not enough room to detail them all here!